Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
