if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
