I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize