Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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