someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
