Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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