Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize