I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
