Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
