I think scott just propositioned me for sex
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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