in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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