Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
