My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize