You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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