so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
