I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We need a shit load of segways right now
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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