Plan B is the new Plan A
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
