i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
