how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Sorry my hands just texted you
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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