I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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