I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
found the other keg... it's in the tree
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
