I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
