I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
