haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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