i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
