i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
my poor anus
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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