He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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