Barsexuality is the new black.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
