omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
