so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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