I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize