I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
