There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
