We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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