cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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