I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
