I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
