I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
