That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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