One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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