You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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