Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
