Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
