Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
