just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize