this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
