I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
