Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
