I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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