Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
