Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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