While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
