I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
