right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
