Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
home. puking in laundry basket.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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