There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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