If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
