HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
This toilet bowl is my home.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
