Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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