All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
