Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
