Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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