K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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