i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
