how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We left the knife in your bed.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
