One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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