Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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