Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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