So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
