And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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