How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i think i have two assholes
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
