she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
