Kareoke will never be a sober sport
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
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