Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Having a random hookup so left but love u
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
